


Reminiscence

by kjdzyx



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, also mentions of blood, and some descriptions of injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 21:02:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7122457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjdzyx/pseuds/kjdzyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The pouring rain didn't wake Kyungsoo from his sleep. The memory of losing Jongin did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reminiscence

**Author's Note:**

> This is the most angsty stuff I've worked on in my life, but umm... please read on?
> 
> (cross-posted from AFF)

Kyungsoo woke from his sleep panting hard, as if he had been running a mile in order to reach soberness. The pouring rain outside didn't go unnoticed by Kyungsoo, having brought a constant pounding on the roof of his house. He registered the loud rain sound, however something in the recesses of his mind told him that the pouring rain wasn't what woke him up.

He sat on the bed, evening out his breaths, half covered by the warm blanket. For a second, he couldn't tell if he was awake, he couldn't decipher if those flashy, terrible images in his mind were real. But when the cold air made contact with his bare skin, it started cooling him down and clearing up the drowsiness clouding his mind. He pushed the remains of his dream away and focused on the rhythm of the rain drops instead.

Almost too slowly, he drew in a careful breath and blinked a few times, letting his senses adjust to the night. It was dark in the room, and for a while all he could see was an endless picture of black. In the back of his mind, he feared that once the darkness was gone, he would be welcomed by the scene of broken windows and splattered blood, and wild flames would devour him without mercy. But as he allowed the darkness to swallow him whole, his eyes growing used to the dim lighting, he began to be able to make out some outlines of several pieces of furniture. He moved closer to the left side of the bed, legs dangling over the edge. The familiar shapes of the nightstand, the armchair and the closet reassured Kyungsoo that he was in his bedroom instead of out on the side of an unfrequented road.

A gust of wind sent the windowpane rattling, and some branches were thrown to the ground followed by a loud thump. Yet Kyungsoo remained still in his position, unaffected by the sudden commotions. He knew that none of these noises could faze him anymore. These noises were almost sweet and endearing compared to the sounds that were carved deeply into his memories on a certain rainy night. He knew that nothing will ever be able to shake him save for the sounds of screeching tires and desperate cries for a lover. Another branch fell from the tree and landed with a deafening thud, pulling him back into reality.

He drew in another careful breath. The dim scent of wet soil outside was mixed together with the faint smell of cigarette heads in the porcelain ashtray, creating an eerie atmosphere along with the moist air. It was all too familiar, and Kyungsoo was inevitably reminded of a certain night two years ago that had smelled almost the same. Except it wouldn't be the same unless the nauseous odor of gasoline was added, and the choking burning smell engulfed the place. Wet soil, cigarettes, the moist in the air and gasoline burning, the combination brought back horrifying memories all at once. He knew that if they were all mixed together, it would create a replica of that night. But Kyungsoo couldn't help but to realize that there was still one detail missing. He just didn't have the courage to admit that it was the pleasant fragrance coming from Jongin's perfume.

The temperature was low, courtesy of the rainstorm raging outside, and Kyungsoo was beginning to feel cold after a couple more minutes. He silently put on the worn-out coat laid on the right side of the bed, the side that used to belong to another person. As soon as his feet touched the icy floor, he shuddered. The old, rough carpet had been removed after the accident, since it reminded him too much of the way the raw grass stung his feet when he was running frantically away from the scene. He tentatively wiggled his toes, making sure the floor was something hard and solid instead of a muddy mess, before he proceeded to the kitchen to fetch himself a glass of water.

He kept the lights off as he stood in the kitchen, sipping the water. It was mostly flavorless, albeit mildly sweet. He relished the clean liquid in his mouth, temporarily forgetting the dreadful taste that lingered on from the dream earlier. However, shortly after he placed the glass into the sink, he remembered the thick mixture that tasted salty and metallic in the middle of that night. He remembered how blood dripped from the corner of his mouth, teardrops sliding past his parted lips as he shouted desperately for help in the dark. The taste buds on Kyungsoo's tongue had gone numb not long after since the flavors had been too strong for him. He had been soaked in the tasteless rain, waiting for emergency responders to arrive. He had felt so helpless, so insignificant, as he stared into the seemingly empty void in front of him.

The night had been dark, the thick clouds blocking out any moonlight from above. With the heavy rain and dim lights, it had been dangerous to drive around especially on an unfrequented road. But they had their heart set on getting home for a good rest, so when Kyungsoo offered to drive, Jongin didn't protest the slightest. After all, they had believed that anniversaries should be celebrated at a comfortable place. To them, neither the meal at the fancy restaurant nor the gorgeous night view on top of the hill compared to their shared home. Little did they know, the journey was leading them to something far away from home.

The sedan's headlight cut through the darkness and illuminated the surroundings outside the window. It was obvious that they were the only ones passing through the curvy path at the late hours. Jongin was in high spirits and kept talking about the beautiful scenery; Kyungsoo answered with some simple sentences and chuckled once in a while. He thought it cute that Jongin blabbered whenever he was excited. He had loved this trait of his lover's ever since the first day they met, and the affection had not altered the slightest even up to that particular night, their third anniversary. From the scent of the perfume the younger had purposely put on for their third year together, his joyful laughs between their dialogues, to his smile that was brighter than the lightning, everything had been perfect with Jongin around. Kyungsoo leaned in, and the sweet kiss on the lips complemented the moment.

They were talking about getting a dog in the near future when they drove over a big puddle of mud. The left front wheel got stuck, leaving the car immobile. Jongin confidently stepped out of the vehicle, saying that they were lucky that he had dealt with a familiar situation before. He found a flat rock not far from their stranded spot and he carefully balanced it under the tire. Kyungsoo was able to move the car from the mud within in seconds with the help of the added support.

"I'm good, eh?" Jongin joked as he returned to the passenger seat.

"You're dripping rain water onto the leather, Jongin." Kyungsoo reminded the younger, yet his tone was soft. He fixed the other with a loving and gentle look before focusing back on the road.

He heard Jongin's faint chuckle as reply, and his lips curled up in no time. Kyungsoo had loved the night so far. Spending a spontaneous night out with his fiancé had appeared to be a wise decision. Having just witnessed Jongin's capability of handling a minor mishap, he couldn't help but feeling overwhelmed with blissfulness.

The windshield wiper worked back and forth rapidly, dutifully wiping the raindrops aside. The sight outside had been getting more and more blurry due to the increasing intensity of the rain, making it harder for Kyungsoo to get a look at where they were going. He slowed down whilst in concentration watching for anything dangerous on the road ahead.

"Don't squint." Jongin commented, "Your eyesight will get worse if you keep squinting at everything."

Shaking his head, Kyungsoo said that safety was their top priority at the moment.

Jongin lightly patted Kyungsoo on the thigh and spoke with an assuring tone, "Nothing will go wrong, baby. I promise."

Now, as Kyungsoo stood all alone in his icy cold kitchen, he found himself foolish to have believed Jongin's words then. He knew that he should have never listened, he should have never relaxed, he should have never taken his eyes off the road, and that he should have never run away from Jongin. He also knew that his therapist had told him not to entertain these thoughts. He picked the glass up from the sink once again and gulped down another glass of water in attempt to drag his mind back into reality.

He forced himself not to glance at Jongin's now unoccupied study on his way back to the bedroom. The house seemed to have grown so much larger, with a lot more empty spaces and avoided corners filled with old memories. Some friends of Kyungsoo's had suggested that he should move on, and for a confused while, he had tried to do so. But he was soon to discover that their suggestions wouldn't work out and had since refused to let go of the things that he had planned to throw out. There were a few boxes lying by the door to the guest room, most of them untouched for well over a year.

The last time he had opened the boxes were to retrieve something dear to both Jongin and Kyungsoo. The day they met each other, Kyungsoo had been unwillingly stranded out in the cold due to his poor-excuse of a friend's forgetting to meet up with him. He was left without any means of communication except for an empty bus stop and was sitting alone waiting for the bus to come when a tall, slim stranger in a cozy brown coat approached him. Kyungsoo decided that it wouldn't be a bad idea to give his name after the nice-looking stranger introduced himself as Kim Jongin, a grad student who happened to be catching the same bus. Their small talk quickly turned into an engaged conversation and by the time the bus pulled up at the bus stop, Kyungsoo was already comfortably wrapped up in Jongin's coat and no longer feeling bitter about the night. When Kyungsoo returned the coat to Jongin as he was getting ready to get off, the latter easily proposed that they exchange numbers, to which Kyungsoo happily agreed. Things ensued, and before long, their relationship bloomed.

The coat set the stage for their first dates and bore the sweetness of their blooming love in its early stages, which was why Jongin chose to grab it along with him when they left their house to celebrate their third anniversary. Reenacting the scene at the bus stop, Jongin put the coat on Kyungsoo's shoulders when they were gazing at the city lights at the top of that small hill.

Kyungsoo called him cheesy, but Jongin wasn't bothered the slightest. "Romance is something essential in life, Kyungsoo." He said.

After the accident, the piece of memory had been sealed into an insignificant paper box for months before Kyungsoo had the courage to make an effort to preserve what he had with Jongin. There was a visible lot of mud stains that wouldn't go away, scratches from Kyungsoo's crawling away from the car and over the grass, and what sent Kyungsoo into shudders every time he looked at them, dark, dried splotches of blood.

The coat had served as a valuable memento of their first encounter. It now also served as a cruel reminder of their last meeting.

The memory wouldn't stop coming back no matter how hard Kyungsoo was suppressing it now. He could feel it, he could feel himself being pulled into the night, directly into the driver's seat. Jongin was going over the pros and cons of keeping a Corgi as their new companion, and Kyungsoo noted down each point the younger made even though he didn't give any reply. Kyungsoo completely trusted Jongin's perspective on dogs and was sure that they were both going to love their future furry friend very much. At the thought, he was tempted to lean in and give Jongin a peck on the lips, but he knew driving through a dark and muddy road required his full attention. Kyungsoo kept his eyes fixated on the road. However, as Kyungsoo found out belatedly, sometimes a safe drive needed more than an attentive driver. He found out that luck was another important factor, and that Jongin had run out of luck on that very day.

Some rock in the ground was loosened due to the heavy raining, and when the left front tire rolled over it, it tumbled out of place, sending the sedan off direction. Kyungsoo immediately tried to steer the car back to the road, yet in the frantic attempt, he forgot about the danger of overcorrection. The wet soil made the ground extra slippery, which weakened the grip the tires had. As if in slow motion, Kyungsoo watched the view outside the windshield turn upside down in an agonizing few seconds as the car spun out of control and did a roll before running over the railing and crashing into a tree. The impact sent him unconscious temporarily.

Kyungsoo came to to Jongin's urgent calling of his name and nervous hands unbuckling the seatbelt for him. His mind went blank at the sight before his eyes because all he could see was so much blood. So much blood was dripping down Jongin's chin and an ugly, crimson-red stain was quickly forming on the right side of his sweater, soaked with blood coming from the bottom of his torso. Jongin's hands were cut all over, the wounds running deeply into his flesh. Kyungsoo could see the way Jongin's skin tear up even more with each movement as the younger struggled to remove his confinement. That was when Kyungsoo noticed how they were both covered in shattered glass, and that he also had quite a lot cuts on his palms as well as his face. But when the pain of the injury started to surface, he realized in horror that he wasn't even in a situation half as bad as Jongin.

Apparently the passenger's seat was the side that took up most of the impact. The windshield had been crushed inwards onto Jongin's body, leaving him in innumerable cuts, and the door was contorted to the state that it could no longer serve its original purpose of providing the passenger an exit. What was the worst, Kyungsoo discovered, nearly causing him a heart attack, was that the window on the door was broken in half, with the fallen piece planted into Jongin's right thigh. The visual shock of open skin and split flesh was traumatizing, yet a rational part in Kyungsoo's mind had him analyzing the situation at hand. Judging from the fact that the blood wasn't spurting out of the wound, the piece of glass had missed Jongin's femoral artery, which meant that he wouldn't bleed to death just yet. However, the intense blood flow signified that he wouldn't be able to move his right leg anymore. Kyungsoo spotted a small stream of blood trickling down Jongin's left calf, its origin another puncture wound in the left knee. These injuries meant that it would be impossible for Jongin to move either of his legs. The realization dawned on Kyungsoo harshly, making him feel like as if he were the one draining of all the blood in his veins.

He finally met Jongin's eyes, and his heart took another blow.

In Jongin's usually-cheerful eyes, were traces of hopelessness, panic, and pleading. Somehow, even in the dark of the night and through blood-drenched eyelashes, Kyungsoo understood him. Jongin's eyes said it all, knowing he wouldn't escape from his demise, fearing Kyungsoo would face death as well, and screaming for the older to run for his life.

Kyungsoo felt Jongin's hands pushing on his arm, motioning him desperately out of the driver's seat. The seatbelt was already undone, and now the only thing standing between Kyungsoo and the safety away from the crashed car was his refusal to leave. He wouldn't leave. He didn't want to. Simply, he couldn't. One of the first promises they made to each other was that they would never leave each other's side, and now Kyungsoo wasn't in a million ways about to break that promise. Jongin was the love of his life, he couldn't leave him.

Tears streamed down Kyuungsoo's cheeks and he was still fighting a losing war. He watched Jongin's lips tremble as the latter yelled at him to run, to escape, to leave without him. Smoke was starting to surround the both of them, and Jongin's cries grew even more frantic as Kyungsoo began to cough. He could hear everything, the way his breathes hitched and the way Jongin shuffled towards him when the younger pushed him out of the car with his remaining strength. He heard Jongin hissing in pain after he fell onto the wet grass. Kyungsoo scrambled to his knees and saw Jongin's entire face covered with blood, eyes filled with determination. He saw no tears.

The last glimpse of Jongin still haunted Kyungsoo even up to this day, even in the middle of the night, in the darkest moments of his nightmares and waking hours. The walk back to the bedroom was painful, but he managed. He sat down on his side of the bed, carefully ignoring the emptiness beside him. He took off the coat and placed it neatly back on the right side of the bed, patting it down. The coat didn't radiate warmness like a human being, but Kyungsoo chose to overlook the fact. Instead, he lay down and crawled under the cover quietly. For a while, he listened to the pouring rain, the howling wind, and the rattling leaves. The sounds washed the horrible memories away and slowly lulled Kyungsoo back to sleep. Perhaps he wouldn't wake up again until morning came, he hoped before finally closing his eyes for the fifth time of the night.

Then he heard Jongin's last word.

"Run!"

**Author's Note:**

> Would any of you believe me if I tell you that I was aiming for fluff when I started writing this? No? Okay I'm sorry.  
> Still, thanks a lot for reading this and I'd love to see your thoughts in the comments~
> 
> (It's my first time posting on AO3, I'm still trying to figure out how everything works lol)


End file.
